I'm sorry, so sorry, please accept my apology....

I had to make an apology yesterday...
What made the apology particularly important is that I had hurt someones feelings...
it wasn't what I had said, it was my attitude, it was a lack of grace on my part....
preoccupied with my own thoughts and feelings, I displayed annoyance at the uninvited interruption.
and it caused the person I hurt to flee..
 I had time to think about how I'd behaved while I waited for my opportunity to say, 
"I'm so very sorry''   

I know enough not to do the 'I'm sorry but," apology, but I was curious about what makes an  apology a chance for growth...... what's a good apology made of...?

I found rules...
apology rules...there is an apology website...
where I found the following..

a proper apology should always include the following
..A detailed account of the situation
..acknowledgement of the hurt or damage done
..taking responsibility for the situation
..recognition of your role in the event
..a statement of regret
...asking for forgiveness
..a promise that it won't happen again
..a for of restitution whenever possible..

and some quotes


A stiff apology is a second insult. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt. 
~G.K. Chesterton\

Never ruin an apology with an excuse. 
~Kimberly Johnson.

It takes a great deal of character strength to apologize quickly out of one's heart rather than out of pity. A person must possess himself and have a deep sense of security in fundamental principles and values in order to genuinely apologize. 
~Walt Whitman

A good apology is like antibiotic, a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound.
 -Randy Pausch

and when my opportunity to make amends for my thoughtlessness came, I covered all the rules...and we both felt better....
a sweeter kind of close as I listened to their expression of the experience...
and they knew I cared.
amazing how some rules work sometimes

Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift. 
~Margaret Lee Runbeck


Wendy S. said...

For myself, forgiveness is equally important as an apology and it starts with forgiving oneself because we tend to beat ourselves up so much for hurting another, esp. if we're very sensitive ourselves. Namaste..

Linda said...

I have a hard time with setting boundaries and then apologizing. This was a much needed post for me. Thank you.

AkasaWolfSong said...

Wendy expresses my sentiments exactly! :)

Grace comes in these special moments...

Bless You Dear Julie!

Tammie said...

wow, so sorry you had to go through this experience. Yet the information you found is awesome. Good to consider and helpful to be understood and to show care. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I really appreciate this post and am going to save this information on making a good apology! I have been guilty of the "I'm sorry, but..." sort of apology plenty of times. It's really an anti-apology, isn't it? Not good.

That you caught yourself right away, that it pained you to have hurt someone else, and that you made a point of righting it with full sincerity on the first opportunity - this is what matters. I hope that all's well with the situation.

Joyce Wycoff said...

What a lovely and gentle lesson. Thank you for sharing and putting it here so that I can come back and reread it when I need it.

julie said...

It seems apology and forgiveness are something we all struggle with...
well, part of what prompted me to do the apology right was that I had been on the receiving end of a really bad apology the day was one of those, 'I'm sorry but, blah, blah, blah..." It is an anti-apology, as Dreams w/fish wrote...sometime you feel worst after one of though it were you're own fault you got hurt, upset, offended. So I wanted to get it right...xoxo
Thanks for chiming in...nice to know you GET it..xoxooxo

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