BERKELEY: Police search for suspects in city's first homicide...

I thought a lot about rather or not to tell you about this....

It isn't a very good story, in fact it sucks.

but I have questions

maybe you can answer

so here it is..

I was visiting my daughter jillian in Berkeley and we were with another friend on our way to an evening of shared spiritual readings.  I was looking forward to it as I had met the young hostess when she had just finished her 10 day silent meditation at a Vipassana Center  near here.  Her  light was just amazing, she glowed, and I wanted to spend time with her again...

We parked and got out of the car with our grocery bag of salads and such to contribute to the potluck dinner...it was dark but early evening...traffic..but not a lot..Berkeley is very quiet in the evenings...

as I closed the door on the passenger side I hear...

pop...pop..pop..pop..pop

I've been around guns most of my life, we live in the country..if that matters...

I knew the sound immediately...

Gun fire!

I turned in the direction of the shots...and saw a male figure about 100 feet or so away...not a good judge but across the street...I saw him pointing his arm in the direction of a house and I saw fire coming from the gun he was holding....

omg

this is real!

there was absolute silence and then more

pop, pop, pop

he's not done

at that moment a zillion thoughts went through my head...brain racing.

get the kids down

we need to get out of here

is this gang related

call 911

is there crossfire

is it random

did he see us 

we need to stay put

we were crouched between two cars

and everything slowed down

there was silence again

then a flurry of shots..10 - 15 fast

is he done

is he coming this way

pop, pop, pop, pop again

then silence 

then a final 3 shots and I knew...they were like the period at the end of a sentence..

pop pop........POP

and it was over.

Then the screaming began.

A woman crying....People started gathering on the sidewalk..

someone had seen him drive away 

a news report..

http://www.ktvu.com/videos/news/berkeley-police-search-for-suspects-in-citys-first/vFtS4/

We were on Emerson kitty corner of that A marker on at the corner of Shattuck Ave......

a major road through Berkeley...

Not a bad part of town...

working families, businesses..students 

The shooting itself took a long time

went on as we got out of the car

huddled between the cars

Jillian found her cell phone

made the 911 call

waited a long time for someone to answer

she told the dispatcher what was going on and answered a lot of questions

at the end  of the call and the shooting was still going on

the Shooter was fearless...I looked up over the car and watched him

he was not  at all afraid to take his time

stand there on the sidewalk in full view and kill someone...that was a huge scarey realization...

he had a gun and was fearless.

Cold

During that time while all those thoughts were going through my mind the biggest one was that I would have to shield jillian...protect her should he make his get-a-way in our direction

or maybe he was on a shooting spree...and I didn't know for sure there was only one of them...

I didn't know

but I did know he would have to shoot me first.

poor Brian was on his own.

and even though I felt a fear like no other...it was not the shaky fear like stage fright or almost being in a car accident...it was solid...and big...something that filled my torso...it actually expanded.....then stayed there.

I thought I could die...that we all could.

But it didn't feel like I was afraid of that.  Not scared.

maybe deep down I knew it wasn't my time.

or jillian's time

or Brian's

maybe it was sadness I felt...

I didn't want to be there...witness this violent act....

and maybe it was just the violent act itself that filled me.....

certainly you can't be witness to something like that and feel nothing.....

or maybe you can

I have told people about it...in Berkeley, and since I've been home.

A surprising number seemed to think it was nothing.

No surprise, no

"oh my God, you witnessed a murder...''

In some cases it could just be a lack of interest in me

but not in all...some of the people I told the story to are close to me.

I keep seeing his silhouette and the fire coming from his hand...

and thinking of the terror the people inside that house must have felt....

Wondering if there is a lesson here?

Wondering how that man knew he could stand there, out in the open and take his time killing a human being?

.....wondering if the people I talk to aren't surprised because violent death with a gun is so commonplace that it is almost expected???....

I wonder these things.......