.....ain't it strange

ain't it strange....
hand of god feel the finger
hand of god I start to whirl
hand of god I don't linger
don't get get dizzy
do not fall lord
I don't get nervous oh I just move in another dimension
come move in another dimension
come move in another dimension 

patti Smith "ain't it strange"

To dance then, is to pray, to meditate, to enter into communion with the larger dance, 
which is the universe. 
-- Jean Houston

It's hot, but I'm cold.
Tired, had an almost sleepless night and weeding the garden near my studio this morning seems to have zapped some energy and it is time to do my nightly meditation dance.
The music has been playing for awhile now but I'm not feeling it...
I'm still sitting.
I feel a little heavy.

I'm waiting for the music to do its stuff and it doesn't seem to be happening.

Toe is tapping a little now.
Maybe it's time to drag my tired butt up and do something good for myself...
and it is good for many reason...the obvious is that movement is good
but of course it's more than that...

During this year of dance I've learned that freeing my body of tension often leads to an opening up of  my heart...
opening up to my emotions.
When my heart is closed life becomes difficult...nothing flows...Emotions dull...the good ones and the bad ones...
About the same time I began to dance I wrote to a friend that I want to experience all emotion.  As I write that here I feel a little trepidation that I would ask for such a thing.
Why would I want to experience all of them?
I don't...
But the truth is I will.
Burying them, denying these unpleasant sensations does not make them go away
Buried and denied emotion manifest themselves in illness, disease, insomnia, eating disorders, addictions and on, and on, and on.

I think if I am to be fully alive I can't hide from the things that bubble up.  What I know too, is that love cannot function in a heart that is half closed or 
in the grip of  unexamined emotion...

So for me the question is, what to do with them?

When I dance into the chaos, when I'm in my body, tension goes, and very often as I come into the stillness the dominate emotion of the day comes gently with me into the night....
and sometimes not so gently.

And at this moment, as I write this, I realize that my best interest is not served by denying them, but by transforming how I feel about them...

How can I truly experience love or joy or peace with a sheltered heart?


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