January 2010 revisited....

On Wednesday the 11th I was sitting up on the hill with my canine tribe where I like to chill and think.

This is Shylee...she was jillian's dog  and when jillian  moved Shylee was suddenly in need of a home.  I said I'd  care for her for a couple of weeks until a new home was found...  
She's still here 2 months later.





Zoe...blind, deaf and overweight..but every night she insisst on being outside for watchdog duty.
All heart...all of it loyal.





Maia....my heart, my love...A gentle giant of a girl...137 pounds of patience and love.  
Turning so grey..sigh


I went up on the hill after reading a friend's blog post challenging other bloggers
 to post an entry from January 11, 2010. 
She thought it would be interesting for us to see what was on our minds way back then.


My post nearest that date is below.
There has been some progress.


My life doesn't feel as cluttered...thankfully....I have eliminated some things I have gathered others.


I no longer do art shows I don't enjoy..
I have slowed down in many areas of my life...every day I take time to breathe.....
I find I have stopped doing a should more often in order to do a want...
Life is short.


I think I've made some headway with co-dependency too..other peoples stuff doesn't tip me over as much.  
I finally realized that so often after taking on stuff that really had nothing to do with me....
I would be all in a tizzy, and they, the one whose stuff it was, 
had moved on from it leaving me still holding it.


Procrastination...well I know it's a form of self sabotage...


Deadlines and double booking and all things marketing...
I struggle with the business side of being an artist all the time.
It seems I only have the energy and discipline to do one or the other...create or market..
my goal for this year is to learn to love marketing....
I'm taking workshop next month
It will create a vision for the year in the area of going forward with my art.
it will include a vision board.
I haven't made one for my personal life.
Yet I have a vision.

And as it usually is it appears quite self-centered.
This life journey is one of self-discovery
finding out what makes my soul sing and trying to incorporate those things more fully into my life.
Finding a peaceful place that is always with me...
and knowing how to access it no matter what.



Excuses....I have few reasons to give another person excuses these days...
but I sometimes give them to myself...
but I don't fool me.


Ritual...the one that serves me most right now and has for awhile is the ritual of dance..


The loss of the twins is still painful..tender.


Doubt...well..
the only thing I really know for sure is I am exactly where I am supposed to be.


Where were you a year ago??





I have not taken the time to do a vision board for 2010 yet because it seems to me that I need to look at what I do not want and purge it so that there is a clear path
from me to my desires…. not cluttered. 

That is a bit how I feel right now…cluttered with ideas but knowing myself well enough to know that I need to do the clearing it will take for me to really step into the new year with a new and exciting vision. 

This is what I am eliminating from 2010...Art shows I no longer look forward to....pass em up 
Rushing, rushing, rushing...breathe 
Codependency...gotta go! 
Procrastination....please, please, please 
Over booking or forgetting a booking….opps! 
Missing a juried entry date….bummer! 
Doubt...be gone! 
Excuses....serve no one!! 
Saying yes, when I should say no….
I think it’s called setting limits and boundaries…
makes me lol! 

Being conscience of how these negative behaviors work against every thing I’m striving toward is a good thing…..it’s all about time management and setting boundaries, and prioritizing….

sounds simple. ..Yes? Just do it! Onward… 

My daughters and I went to plc on Sunday…(the positive living center)…after the Sunday service people mingle a bit….we were mingling when several of our practitioners called us to come and partake in what I can only call a love circle…. they are very aware of how hard grieving can be and how tender we are still…. they formed a very small circle around the three of us … so small everyone was slightly touching. As my daughters and I held each other each practitioner in turn blessed us, treated for us, and showered us with healing love and light. 
It was an amazingly touching and uplifting experience. 

I didn’t want to leave that warm, love filled, healing, intimate space. They gave us a wonderful gift and I floated on that cloud of love all day, so did my girls and we felt lighter… 

I am blessed. 
Ritual, ceremony, feels important….I don’t know if we have enough of it in our everyday lives. I don’t think so. Things like the love circle, labyrinth walking, candle lightings and prayer…tending our altars, etc.
I’ve created a new ritual for myself in relation
to my list of things I want to be gone. The procrastination, etc. 
I’m gathering stones that feel good to me, walking my labyrinth each day with one in hand representing what I want to be done with. 

I will focus on how one particular behavior no longer serves me as I walk to the center… .once in the center I will lay down the stone and ask for help in releasing this thing that I feel holds me back and continually causes me to feel as though I’m
running to catch up….
not achieving my long term goals… 

as I walk back out I will open myself to a vision of me with new coping skills, calmly experiencing each day with new resolve, a clear vision and intent for the future, walking to my goal…… 
I will have quite a pile of stones which will then be infused with positive traits I want to incorporate into my everyday life…. I will label each stone with a trait, carry it from the center of the labyrinth and put in a basket near one of my altars… 
.
sounds simple… wa la… life changing. Then on to my visioning and the board.